Squeaker #2 - week 9

non-pregnancy stuff

Well, not really. I mean, I am a huge sack of hormones, attempting to suppress the necessity to cry at the slightest provocation.

No, I won't mention that I'm now 10-weeks along and have my OB appointment tomorrow. If everything goes well, I'll be the furthest along in the last 3 pregnancies.

No, I won't mention that I'm eating approximately every 1 1/2 hours - anything - but I need to eat, otherwise I get nauseous.

And I would never mention that I have pregnancy acne (at the tender age of 39!!!!) just like I did with Maddy.

I won't mention anything about those things. I WILL mention that my damn knee is really hurting me, and now I know why!

For the past 5 years or so, my right knee has been giving me more and more trouble. It creaks badly walking up stairs. It hurts not even doing anything. So I went in to my good old orthopedic surgeon (from the ulna nerve transposition in October 2006) and he suggested an MRI, which is safe for pregnant women.

Thankfully I didn't freak, like I had previously.

What the MRI showed was that I have early arthritis (yippee), and some fluid in the knee. The worst part is that I have osteochondritis dissecans. I'm certainly glad I took that medical terminology class years ago.

Basically, I need to rest it, do some walking (even though it hurts) and get some cortisone shots in the knee (yippee - such a fan of needles - not) to help with the inflammation. It probably would be better if I lost weight, but that's not going to happen any time soon.

week #9

I feel gun shy when it comes to announcing my week's progress - but it is a big deal to me. It's funny that I don't mind doing it here, in this venue, or on Facebook, but I won't make a whole-world email announcement until we reach week #12.

There aren't any guarantees, but it'll be that much more further.

I'm feeling the same sort of effects of pregnancy as I did with Madeline, which I think is awesome. I have pregnancy acne - the big awful ones. I am nauseous and hungry at the same time. I can't fit into my regular pre-pregnancy pants any more, and I'm "busting" out of my brassieres. already. I think that's a really great sign indeed.

Going in for my now weekly ultrasound tomorrow.

Week 7

I made it to Week #7. 33 more to go. Feeling nauseous still, but I'm quite glad about that. It means everything is working as it should.

Since my first miscarriage last April, I've contemplated keeping subsequent pregnancies secret until a certain time. We didn't keep anything secret in November & we had miscarriage #2. I've tried to figure out why I haven't kept this one a secret. I think I know why.

I need the support of whatever happens. There are no guarantees, even once we hit the magic week #12 mark. My dear cousin Danielle lost a baby when she 8 months pregnant. I'm high risk due to the previous miscarriages, the surgery to remove 5 fibroids (which is believed to be the contributing factor of the miscarriages), as well as my age. I'm 39 years old. Not a spring-chick anymore.

It's purely selfish of me to want to have this support from friends and family. My coworkers were among the first to know cuz they see me daily. Besides, the office water must have hormones in it - there are many pregnant women at the college and guys whose wives just gave birth or will any day now.

no guarantees

I know that no matter what, there aren't any guarantees.

I know that even if we reach the magical week 12 with no complications that there won't be.

I know that last year's miscarriages didn't help with my risk-factor.

I know all these things.

However, I also know that I can't be in control of everything, despite wanting to. I had the surgery to remove the 5 fibroids for a reason - so that in the event of a success pregnancy, I'd be giving the embryo the best start I could.

Doesn't mean that I also know that I'm scared silly, and trying my best to take it one day at a time. I can't be in control of this except for eating as healthfully as I can when I feel like eating.

"What will be will be...."

Long time ... no see

I've been in hibernation.

I'm ready to blossom.

I'm ready for spring.

I'm ready to attempt pregnancy yet one-more-time.

More after this brief announcement...

We are pregnant!

I'm high risk due to 2 miscarriages last year and being so blessed old, so I get weekly ultrasounds for the time-being. Saw the little peanut this morning. So small yet - only 7 weeks along on Wednesday) but its heart is good and strong @ 130+ beats per minute.

I'm happy and cautiously optimistic.

:) Welcome SPRING.

What now?

If you are reading this, undoubtedly you've noticed I haven't spent a lot of time blogging. Looking back this past year, it's been a vehicle to vent my frustrations and anguish about the miscarriages. So now what the heck should I use it for?

I could talk about the weather in Green Bay, Wisconsin: (it's 9°F, feels like: 5°F today).

I could talk about Madeline: (she's 5 going on 13; still loves princess; she just told me she wanted to be an astronaut; she knows the order of the planets; she is really funny).

I could whine about how much my knee is bothering me: (I blame it on my father sharing his genetic disposition for bad knees).

I could exclaim my enjoyment and delight that I still have a great job: (libraries have tough to get a job in - I'm thankful for having a job that I still like).

eh ... I'll think about it.